20 Last Days

and so the world gets sucked into the whirlpool of financial storm. till the blackhole of overleveraging ends with a big bang, we won't be seeing the whole light of the day again.

i say let's get the deals aflowing again and the light of bonuses can then rain down on every man.

Imagine a room full of hungry animals, all of them staring intently at their only target, a chunk of meat in the middle of the room. There isn't enough to feed everyone simply because of their infinite hunger. Who would end up with the meat?

A world of finite resources is a double edged sword. On one hand, it drives people to create and innovate and produces improvement in the world and themselves. On the other hand, due to human's infinite wants, conflicts are created in the process.

Of course there is a lot more on the positive side, but let's talk about the industry I'm in.

It's not a world of creators or innovators. Hardly anything gets created in my line of work. More aptly, we are a pack of hunters, working in a team scouring the earth for meat. At the end of every hunt(year), the spoils will be split amongst the hunters and it is not a pretty sight for how much you get is never a measure of how much you did, but more of how fierce and hungry you are.

Everybody recognizes the fact that hunting must be done in a pack. But even when hunting as a team, it is not really a team! It's a team only because its necessary, for if one can hunt by him/herself, he or she would already have done so! Putting it simply, everyone want the whole elephant to him/herself! it doesn't matter if you choke swallowing it, you'll still do it..

During the hunt itself, every weakness is punished. Remember, this is a team of hunters, not creators. One less mouth to feed after the hunt, one more piece of meat to split. Within a group of animals where every meat counts, even meat of their own kind matters. It's a sick thought knowing it.

Infinite hunger.. the picture above is our reality..

cliches abound every new year, and yet it never will stop, as with time never being a patient man.

its a psychological reset. It occurs at the end of every calendar year, refreshing everyone's tired mind and heart so they can dream again, and hoping what has past, has passed is over.

Then, the past year has prepared me to take another leap in the new year. This is it. I'm pretty much done with 2007, in fact I have been done with it since November, for reasons known only to my mates.

Whilst most of my good mates will be out partying the night away in various locations, I ask myself, what? I don't know. Cos its still 2007, and I'm already done.

Hello 2008.

is there anything worth treasuring,

when everything is easy?

first the fuzzy feeling
then the empty loss.

next the exciting opportunities
then the glorious challenges.

heart and mind
physique and the meta-physical.

the whirlwind of life spins on,
leaving its mark, in all, in me.

and it came to pass, another year.

i feel alive whenever i'm on the big green field
whenever the sun is on my skin
and I'm running, running.

I feel alive when I breathe in the fresh river air
clocking the distance
and I'm running, running.

the things that are happening in my life now. and yet strangely, i'm unexcited.

1)There's a trip to India for work in Sep,

2) and later this week i'll be involved an a project that'll be rolled out globally.

3) Currently i'm finishing a challenging excel template for management results collation.

4) I've a 4.5km relay race later this Fri with a brilliant team of colleagues.

5) I'm participating in the Greatest Race on Earth, and will be leading the team's training.

6) There's a World Challenge coming up at the end of the year in Europe (hopefully i can secure sponsorship).

7) I'm moving on to a whole new department in September.

8) There's a cross-border intra-bank football cup match coming up, and a intra-dept football tourny too.


Strange, tell me what's wrong or right in my life.

Then today my good friend asked me, would i take a substantial paycut to do a job that I like. And the paycut is more than 50%.

I think i've lost a bit of my direction somehow (yet again). I really need a trip to Sydney, and it should be this November..

markets crashed, and plane slid off the runway
burning up in flames our precious bounty.
A painful reminder the world is a wild spirit
that attempts to tame it will leave one on empty.

Distraught and pain gives borne scalding tears
trickling slowly burning rivers off your cheeks.
The scars of which bears the haunting message
the inherent chaos of the world is a but a freak.

LES YEUX OUVERTS
version originale: W. Schwandt / F. Andree / G. Kahn
paroles françaises: Brice Homs

Ce souvenir, je te l' rends
Des souvenirs, tu sais, j'en ai tellement
Puisqu'on repart toujours à zéro
Pas la peine de s' charger trop

Ce souvenir, je te l' prends
Des souvenirs comme ça, j'en veux tout l' temps
Si par erreur la vie nous sépare
Je l' sortirai d' mon tiroir

J' rêve les yeux ouverts, ça m' fait du bien
Ça n' va pas plus loin
J' veux pas voir derrière puisque j'en viens
Vivement demain

Mon bonheur te ressemble
Tous les deux vous allez bien ensemble
J' te l' dirai jamais, jamais assez
Tout c' que tu m' fais m' fait d' l'effet

J' rêve les yeux ouverts, ça m' fait du bien
Ça n' va pas plus loin
J' veux pas voir derrière puisque j'en viens
Vivement demain

Un dernier verre de sherry
De chéri mon amour, comme je m'ennuie
Tous les jours se ressemblent à présent
Tu me manques terriblement...

(figure sur l'album Enzo Enzo - BMG-Québ 4ec BMGQCD-813)

it's you i'm dreaming of tonight...

Life takes on a new meaning when you have goals to chase, standards to fulfill, expectations to meet. KB fund, and a sweet dream i'll never forget...

Loads have happened since the last entry. Pals have gotten superb jobs and am doing well in life, career have been moving... slowly but surely, personal finances have rebounded from a cyclical downturn, self-awareness went up a few notches...

It's been 2 months since I've moved out. Dad & Mum still am unhappy. Today i shall go for lunch with Dad, after a long long absence from his life.

Started Day-Trading, made & lost money however even-ed out recently. It's been quite a ride looking through the markets everyday and I've been sleeping at 4a.m. analyzing what trades to enter and when to exit for the following day. Target, 10% return per mth.

Entry to World Challenge (Corporate Adventure Challenge) as one of Asia leg's top team is confirmed. It's held in Nice, South of France and is a lovely seaside county. The drawback of the date, it's winter time. Funding for travel and accomodation prior to the event have to be secured via department and, as the CFO as suggested, I shall arrange a short stint in London's office to leverage on that.

On the other hand, career wise, my sponsor is moving to become China's CFO. I'm wondering if I should ask her if my services are required there. I'm sure another pair of hands, and my mandarin skills will come in handy. Decisions, decisions.

Other than that, life has been settling down better now and the enforced solitude by my moving out have been beneficial for that. I know better what I want and am setting targets to get there.

Hiccups here and there too, esp one during my 1 week training at the Copthorne. Binge-eating, drinking, and long days of classes doesn't go too well together and the body is bound to react and it did.

Anyway, all has passed and life is still a rush. Time is never enough too. Slept at 4 yest after a nite out with GC5, then morning 9.30 football with old sec sch mates, then rest before I had Hse-warming with my old NS colleagues and Bosses (fantastic time!) and poker session till 3am, was intending to go Zouk to meet May and all. And I've still so many friends I should be meeting and all.

Well, summing up this long entry, it's been a good journey and can only get better.

This year's JPMorgan run Singapore saw a new kid on the block obliterate all competition in the female category. Before your favourite Bedok Bah Chor Mee arrive at your table, she would have completed her 5.6km. 18:38, even the Gurkhas were given a run for their money!

Well, i did a half-decent effort at 24:56. On hindsight, I should have started near the front instead of the middle, as most of the runners failed to start according to their time bands. Many in the sub-20min area clearly are sub-35min runners.

Of course, it's cool to start at the front, or be masquerading as a super fast runner, however all the pretences fade into embarrassment when they begin fading out at the 1km & 3km mark, clogging up the already narrow routes for the race.

Clearly, I'm not proud of my timing. On a positive note though, the team have a good chance in landing the top 5 men's team. Credits to the front 2 whom ran a sub21 and sub23 timing. If I should run again, only a sub21 timing would be considered decent by my standards.

Prize for the top 5 teams, the chance to compete at the Championship in NY.

Just for the record:
Jazz won their match 3-2 against Bob's builders. Conceding 2 goals in the last 5 mins, when the defence was too bored and decided to venture upfield for some action, and made silly mistakes of passing to the opponent and also leaving the central def open (all ran upfield).

Sean scored from my corner in the first half, heading in a pinpoint cross. RC scored a screamer from and acute angle after a incisive run at the start of the 2nd half (one-two-ed with Jason). Deyna a well placed volley from the edge of the penalty area after RC nodded back Jason's cross.

I can feel my body melting into the red leather of the sofa, the softness, the comfort. Rhythmic bass beating, soothing vocals singing, aural sensory overload in progress... please do not disturb..

Shadows of figures sway in the background, relaxed figures draped everywhere... I can see a hint of a figure in the corner.. spinning the turntable.. soothing hype-ed souls into the deep sub-consciousness where they forget all.. to just absorb the moment...

self discovery in progress... do not disturb..

Did you know?

$5000 invested at a return of 4.5% monthly will accumulate to $1mil in 10 years.

$1000 invested at a return of 2.5% monthly for 10yrs will accumulate to $19,358.
at 2.6%, the same investment will yield $21,761, a 12% difference in the nominal amount.

The key to accumulating riches is to have free investible cash flow that works for you. No way is one going to get rich by working alone.

Anyway, it's official. I'm moving out. Into the world by myself against the elements. The financial cost is high, and the days of free spending is over. I've enjoyed 8 months worth of such luxury. To buy what I want/need, and not worry a single bit about finances. After I move out, it'll be a different story.

Good then, it'll enforce financial discipline, by circumstance. I've done up my cashflow statement from now till Mar 08 and Projected Balance sheet month by month. In addition, i've drawn up an investment target and plans.

My Parents said unanimously, why move out and forgo the luxury of a home without any hassle to stay on my own? Where laundry is never an issue, and cleaning of the home and food is without worry. And, to pay others, for a lesser option.

So, i'll be moving to Bedok Sth at the end of this month, renting from Sean & Family. I'm sure i'll be motivated to stay home to study, practice guitar/football and invest more time in myself. Take this as a retirement from partying my weekends away, of frittling time away needlessly.

To run a tight ship and prosper at the same time. That is the challenge. My chinese name spells literally "(To) Have Prosperity". Let's see if I can live up to my name.

3 weeks worth of 16 hours day. It's finally drawing to an end. Come Thurs, I'll be on my 4 day hiatus from office. Not long, just enough recharge.

The beginning of the month kickstarted with a high, the SC team qualifying for the Challenger World World Finals in Dec, due to be held in Europe. It is a tantalizing prospect coming up against top teams from all over the world, and sure to be fitter, stronger and smarter (at least now, i can't say the same when I'm fully trained up!).

Then work throws one challenge after another. Preparation of Risk management notes is no jokes, considering the numerous (5-10) excel files open at any point in time, each with 5-10+ sheets attached within. I never thought I had to work this hard with so little (information and knowledge), esp as a fresh entrant. I mean, i never worked this hard in uni either. BUt well, at least I'm getting paid for it.

And the Football Team, Jazz (which i have named at my liberty), have finally received their Jerseys yesterday. Nike Dri-fit, Nike Fonts for numbers, now we're a team for real. Good news is that we're also unbeaten! If anyone's curious about the jersey, it's the exact same jersey Holland used in the World Cup, difference is that it's white top and black shorts.

So it's now a quarter past the year, warm-up time has ended. I've lots to train for in terms of fitness strength and skills (football + Marathon, JPMorgan Run + Adventure Challenge). Lots to study for knowledge (CPA & CFA). And loads to work for in terms of career.

Am i considered an achiever now? I laugh when I think i am, only because it's funny. Ayes, goals and more goals. That's life isnt it?

what if you have 2 choices? None of which will do good. Its a choice of which evil.

What if you found something better, but only because you've always settled for second and anything that comes along will be the natural right choice?

What if your belief and will evaporates into thin air upon enlightenment, everything which you lived for is for nothing?

What if all these is real and happening, what will you do?

"enable macros" ---> "update/don't update links" ----> "#ref" ---> !Error

=if(xx,yy,zz) = pmt(xx,yy,x) ='[*.xls]page2'!x21


"run"


Staring at Excel sheets with formulas on every cell, and linked to every possible worksheet.. just takes your Fridays away.

Why else would I be in office at such a lovely hour on Friday evening. Sure, I used to be paid well to do peanuts. Now I'm counting the peanuts one by one by one...

listening to Nat King Cole brings back a flood of memories. Of the sweet emotions one feels when in love. Of times when warmth and care were unending, of what romance is pure and as it is in the movies.

the classics never fails to bring a smile to my heart, to uncover the buried innocence deep within me. I'm a die-hard romantic at heart. That which seems to be lost under the layers of disappointments and the dirt of practicalities.

the times when my perfect romance is to the tune of "I Love You for Sentimental Reasons", the feeling depicted by "When I Fall in Love", framed by the tune of "L-O-V-E".

Once upon a time, when the moon was blue. Maybe once again, in a very blue moon.

Life as it is has changed for everyone who has graduated. Gone are the days of structured and predictable progress. Gone with it the measurable yardsticks of achievement. Gone too is the environment where one's progress is followed in tandem by his/her peers, following a standard deviation.

In this brave new world, we structure our own progress and strive for our own dreams. No longer can you progress and expect your friend to progress as well. No longer can one take it easy, slow a little so one's peers can do catch up, or you can do catch up.

It is cruel but along the way some bonds will fade. Not because you want to, but situation dictates it to be. As the inequalities grow and the knowledge/achievement gap widens, the bond that glues together gets stretched and slowly weakens.

There is never a better time to be yourself than in a world of unknowns. Whereby self-doubt, and identity loss will only contribute to stagnation or possibly even regression. Where many flounders or get lost in this new 4-D weightless new world, there will be the few with direction and drive to reach their destined goals.

A good 20+ years of experience, a quarter of a lifetime, to know yourself. If you havn't or am in denial, then I wish you good luck.

Just discovered that one can post directly from Flickr. Attaching images to blog can't get any easier than this.

That's my trusty boots. I've another good pair courtesy of the Sydney gang however its still at Weiming's place. Gonna collect it soon.

Resolutions for the New Year? More initiative, more goals, more achievements. To have the courage to take up responsibility.

To all readers out there, Happy Holidays.